A doula's first pregnancy

Being a doula I can certainly attest for all the different birth plans and pregnancy journeys out there. There are always the "plans" and then what really happens.  Some tend to stay close to the design of the plan while others wildly turn out with different outcomes.  Either way- it becomes your birth story.   My job as a doula is to educate, support, and advocate; to assist in the creation of your birth plan and keep you in line to your desires.  I will support all women and families; those looking to birth in hospital, at home, birth center, outdoors, unassisted...you know name it.   It is really more about finding that personal connection and comfort with the family that matters most.

I am 29 weeks now with my first child and I have absolutely loved being pregnant, planning my birth, and taking great care of my growing body and baby on this journey.  My trainings as a doula, my clients, birth experiences, books, articles, workshops, etc.,  have taught me so much that certainly I was fully prepared for childbirth....not so much the case!  Just like everyone else, I have had times of feeling overwhelmed, stressed and fearful.  It's natural.  I just have a bit of a head start maybe compared to other first time moms.  I have read a lot of books, birth research, statistics and assisted women in all different kinds of birth scenarios.

Being pregnant and a doula for families has been a lot more difficult than I imagined.  We are really in the same position, making the same types of decisions, and in the end wanting the same outcome- a healthy, happy baby.  But as I am learning quickly, there is always that feeling of comparison and judgement when it comes to parenting and children.  I have had a lot of my girlfriends with kids explain this to me before.  It's like the "my kid is better than yours"  stories.  And it certainly begins in pregnancy.  Many clients or those who know my profession are always curious in my decisions on childbirth.  The most common reaction I get is "I figured you would do it that way".  It makes me laugh and I am so ok with that response.  But what I don't want for people to feel is a sense that my way is the only way I support.  I most certainly have my own opinions and choices for my baby and body but I would never judge or pressure mothers into making the same decision as me.  We are all just too different and there are so many ways to make your birth perfect, and absolutely beautiful for your situation and family.

If I had children years ago when most of my friends starting having babies my choices may have been quite different.  What has changed for me outside of personal growth with just getting older, is my knowledge about the subject, access to information and I have seen a lot of births.  The more you know the more comfortable you feel with making decisions and with no regret might I add.  It has become easier to make choices with and for my family and then sit with those feelings of doing the right thing for me!  

This is me and this is the me I like to share with others.  Knowledge is certainly powerful.  Becoming pregnant and making decisions for the life another is no easy task.  There are lots of options out there; none of which I will say are right or wrong or judge.  But what I will do is help you explore all the options.  It is empowering to choose, to plan, to practice for your birth.  It should be one of the most exciting times of your life.  Isn't that why people do it again and again?!?!?

What I am envisioning for my own birth story is what I envision for all lovely pregos out there....a beautiful birth story, a calm, peaceful, easy birth.  A healthy body and baby, minimal interventions, a supportive birth team, no complications,  after birth bonding time, ease of breastfeeding, and absolute pure bliss and joy!  And what I want you to know and feel is that this is not asking for much.  Live. Create. Imagine. Birth. YOUR STORY!

Just let go, breathe

I just realized that I haven't been breathing for about 2 weeks now. I haven't found time to check in with my body, truly connect and breathe. I have been running circles with moving from my home, moving to a new country, finding out we are expecting and transitioning career paths. It's just about every life change all wrapped in one period of time for me.  But you know what- I chose it all! I manifested a lot of these changes to take place over a time period of probably what's longer than what I really even can imagine. I'm here now, my feet are firmly planted on the soil of the new country of where I now call home. I have a beautiful being growing inside of my belly in a loving, supportive home. I've started training for a new career path today. And I still wasn't breathing.  

I wasn't able to breathe until someone told me to let go. This came to me in the form of a yoga class. I am incredibly supportive of practicing and truly believe it is a gift that should be shared. However, it's not really about the class. It's what works for you. What makes you listen, hear, and become aware? What makes your mind silent? What makes you conscious of your breath and where you hold on to stress? If you have discovered this connection to your body when is the last time you were there? I know 2 weeks for me was way too long. But it's amazing how quickly you can get lost. Lost in days, weeks and months. Lost in emails, work obligations, family priorities and the every days of life. Leading you further away from your passions, your smile, your happiness, community and love. 

Where are you? Are you there? Can you let go?

One of the foundational ways to connect to the spirit is first through the physical body. There are so many ways to get there and be creative in your actions.  To start, not much time is needed it's more about frequency of checking in and committing to a practice. 

Just a couple ideas to get you started:

- find a peaceful place outside to sit in quiet, calm your mind, and focus on your breath. Breathe. No thinking allowed. Do not allow your mind to wander. Keep reeling it back in. Repeat a mantra to send your focus.

- try a yoga class

- take a relaxing bath and release your muscles

- lie on your back (not in your bed) and place your hands onto your body. Start at your chest just at your breastbone, move to your upper rib cage area and finally your naval. Focus your breath and touch into tense areas. Allow 5 breaths to each area and repeat as much as necessary to feel your tension dissipate. Deepen your breath and touch through each series. 

I told myself I wouldn't let it get this far again. Everything is just the way it should be. I am exactly where I should be. Life is so so good. I am happy. And best of all I'm breathing again. 

Speak Kindness!

It always feels so natural around the start of the year to clean house, make resolutions, start new habits and kick out the old!  So for my new beginning, this year I really started thinking about the way I speak and communicate with others and myself.  We have so many interactions throughout the day and if you are like me, then you have several different types of conversations depending upon the context, company and environment .  For me, I go from "Sales Manager Steph" to "Doula Steph" to "Casual Friend Steph"- not to mention the continuous inner dialogue.  I found that for me there is growth to be had in ALL areas.  

As I was researching my 2014 Action Plan to turn this vision into a reality, I ran across a great book I read a while back so I decided to bring it out for a re-read. 

Words Can Change Your Brain

The Neuroscience of Communication

by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman

 

As I started breezing through the book again all I could think about was my doula work and how this information could be so impactful for expecting families, especially my mommas out there.  The underlying theme of the book is the connection that our words we attach with an experience, ultimately becomes the experience.  It provides steps in how to recognize the associations and create what they call Compassionate Communication.  It is a fantastic and insightful "ah-ha" read!

 

I believe deep down that a healthy pregnancy and positive birth experience is connected to your mentality- I FIRMLY believe in this.  Our thoughts and words have the ability to shape our experiences, outcomes, emotions and ultimately our world.  It is the reason why I have adopted the Hyponobirthing vocabulary in my doula practice.  The Hyponobirthing technique uses mind over matter to take you to a peaceful place. 

Allow me to give you a few examples......

 

"Ok, let's get ready here comes another contraction....breathe, breathe, puuushhh......"

 

What type of feeling does this spark inside of you?  Does it make you anxious?  Does it give you a mental picture of a woman in an intense position, blood red in the face and breathing excitedly and out of control? 

 

Using the Hypnobirthing technique you would maybe hear these words.

 

"Ok, let's get ready for the next surge, keep your breath calm and even, use the strength of your breath to breathe the baby down.....

 

It may feel and sound silly at first but none the less it could break the association with fear, anxiety and pain that most women report while thinking about the birth process during pregnancy or during the experience itself.  Change your words, change your experience!

 

All in all, I encourage and support a more mindful and positive dialogue within yourself, with your baby and throughout the birthing experience.  To me, it is absolutely magical that your are able to create your own peaceful, healthy, empowering, beautiful birth experience.   Make it just what YOU imagine it to be- not what you heard, not what they told you....this is YOUR birth.  Just like any habit it takes practice.  I challenge you, and I challenge your spouse to create your own peaceful dialogue and practice.

 

A couple quick steps to get you started:

1.  Make a reminder board of your personal and/or birth associated words you would like to transition to more positive ones.  Place it on the fridge or bathroom mirror where you both can see daily.

2.  Take time each day to meditate, start taking yourself to a peaceful, quiet place.  The more you practice the quicker and easier it will be able to get there.

3.  Visualize your birth experience.  Whether you like to write it down, discuss with your spouse, a girlfriend, your doula, or keep within yourself....start visualizing yourself birthing your baby and incorporate your positive words and relaxation techniques.

 

I'd love to hear where it takes you!  Keep it real, keep it simple!

 

For more about Hypnobirthing check out:

http://hypnobirthing.com/childbirth_classes.htm