The Floor bed- Why choosing not to use a crib was the best decision for our family

I relocated to Kingston, Jamaica from Orlando, Florida when I was around 20 weeks pregnant.  I basically came over with what I could fit in suitcases.  Over many trips to and from Florida I was able to bring over my personal belongings, some home items and also baby essentials.  I am a minimalist by nature however my living simple lifestyle was magnified tremendously when I took up island living once again.  I found it refreshing to not have all the availability, access and options as I once did in Florida.  I was mostly just satisfying my basic needs of food, clothing, water, shelter and a whole lot of love and happiness.

When it was time to start creating a "nursery" I was at a totally loss. We didn't have any baby furniture and upon shopping around we realized it was roughly two to three times the prices you would pay in the States.  We told ourselves we'd take it slow, no need to rush, but we of course would need a crib.  Had I still lived in Florida I would have scored something off Craigslist or even from a yard sale- buying second hand is my first preference for most things.  There was a small market for these options here in Jamaica but again these people most likely paid Jamaican prices for their items therefore were looking to recoup a lot more relative to what it would resell for elsewhere.

I happened to be discussing with a good friend one day my crib worries and woes.  She said very matter of fact, "just use a mattress on the floor."   I thought, "what the hell does she mean put my baby on the floor?"  I had never thought of, heard of or read anywhere about not using a crib.  The only alternate sleeping plan I was toying with was co-sleeping.  My girlfriend then preceded to enlighten me on The Montessori Floor bed which basically is using a crib sized mattress or even a twin placed on the floor for your baby.  She told me how a friend of hers did it- she was thinking about doing it as well and maybe it would work for us too.  I was completely energized by this new method I had never heard of and at the same time still amazed that babies could sleep in places other than cribs.  I read many blogs, Montessori sites and spoke with a few close mama friends.  I brought the idea to Alex still so unsure if this would be for us.  He had the same reaction as me and as most do; won't the baby roll off? We toyed with this idea for months prior to our birth and decided to give it a shot.  What's the worst that could happen? We could always choose to buy a crib should these efforts not work out for us.

Well I can happily say we have just hit one year of sleeping with the floor bed style (twin sized mattress) and couldn't be happier!  Here are a few insights and realizations we have had over this year.

Sunny has gained a sense of safety, security and comfort in her own space.  A lot of times children may feel this just in there own crib space but she has this for her entire room.  The room is completely child proof.  Everything is at her level; there are no dressers, pictures, shelving that are out of her reach.  When she is in her space it is truly accessible for her. 

From having this accessibility I feel she has learned a sense of independence and also decision making skills.  For instance, when she wakes up, she chooses to either stay in bed maybe cuddle with a stuffed animal or she can get up and grab a book or a toy.  This independence has become a very strong part of her natural play and personality. I feel this just skyrocketed the speed of development mentally and emotionally.

I'd say the most convenient aspect as well as parental bonding part of this is that you too can fit in the bed with your child.  The idea of co-sleeping was extremely attractive to us but we were hesitant to let go of our bedroom space.  We really wanted to reserve a space just for us and the nourishment of our relationship.  So this arrangement took care of that!  It has made us all so much closer and our daughter gains so much one on one time from each of us as well.  It also creates the opportunity for you to slow down, be in the moment and rest with your child which is so important for everyone's well-being. Take a nap together, read books, feed your child in a restful position, and snuggle up.  If your child is cluster feeding, sick, teething or just in a needy stage it has just felt so simple and easy to lie down together and most of the time I find it soothes, heals and comforts quickly.

Our favorite outcome of this entire method is that she doesn't start her day or awake from a nap crying.  She doesn't have to cry out for us.  She is capable of getting herself up and changing her situation.  Even prior to her being mobile she didn't cry out even though she couldn't move.  We would hear her just cooing and kicking around upon waking.  Now that she is very active and accustomed to her routines she simply comes to her door and knocks when she is ready to come out.  That, to us, is just the coolest, most fun part.

So - sounds easy right? :)

To be honest, it really can be and it's all in the approach as with most situations in life and parenting. Upon initial research I found myself getting caught up in all the blogs, questions, and pros/cons which made it feel overwhelming and obsessive.  Once we finally decided to give it a go after much debate, we couldn't imagine doing it any other way.  Rather than trying to answer all the what if's and how to's, we decided we would put ourselves into the situation without expectations.  We would do our best knowing we could always choose another method should it not be the best for our child or us as parents.

Did she ever fall out of the bed you ask?? Of course she did but she was completely fine.  The mattress is roughly 6 inches from the floor.  We set up the room accordingly with a nice rug and used cushions in the early phases of rolling and beginning crawling.  Matter of fact, she just fell off the bed last night.  We heard her and saw her on the monitor.  Just as we were getting up to head into her bedroom to console her from falling off the bed in mid sleep, she simply crawled right back up on her bed and went right back to sleep.  We were amazed!  Alex looked at me and said "this was the best idea you have ever had".  If feels good to have a child that is learning to be self sufficient in areas within their control and sure feels good to rest well as parents.

Sunny's first tumble off her bed

Minutes after her roll...no lasting trauma ;)  Happy girl!! 

I'm looking forward to this next transition into toddlerhood and all that's in store for us. Although she is already quite close I look forward to those days where she just walks her little self into her room and jumps right into the bed for a nap! :)  I'll update you when we get there....until then...happy, healthy days ahead for you and your tribe!

Here are a few information sites I used....and I can always answer any questions too! :)

http://mariamontessori.com/mm/?p=921

http://montessorihomes.blogspot.com/p/sleeping_08.html

Cuddles all together

Nap time with Daddy

xoxo
Keep shinin'

The Art of Living in Community, Introduction into the Hippie counterculture Part I

"Build it and they will come."  This phrase has floated in and out of my head for over a decade now and at various stages in my life during my early 20's.  At this point in my life, I was nearing graduation for my Bachelor's degree from a University in Florida. Born and raised a Floridian through and through, I had a pretty typical upbringing in the South (as I was from Northern FL).  Religion was a big influence during my preteen and teen years.  Although, my parents never raised me in a church it was more through my friends and socailization that I found myself spending my Wednesday nights and Sundays going to church with different groups of friends.  I genuinely enjoyed being in groups of people.  I pretty much hit all denominations, mega churches, and even the smallest congregation of about 20 or so.   I ate the standard American diet; coming from a meat and potatoes kinda of father. We typically took one vacation a year which was usually a destination within Florida or to visit some family roots in New Jersey.  I didn't really have too much outside exposure to travel, other cultures, foods, or family dynamics.  It was either your parents were still married or you were from a single-parent home.  That's really as diverse as I saw it growing up.

I have always been a rebel at heart and this played out subtly during my childhood years but really was able to spread my wings during college.  Besides the typically transitions you would expect from living under your parents roof to being on your own, I still was rather vanilla looking back at myself. It wasn't until I friended my first "hippie" that my life started to get a little more color (of course, that TIE DYE color) and depth to it.  We met while working together at a holistic chiropractic office in an upscale area in Orlando. She was about 10 years or so older than me.  She was married without children.  And she just oozed kindness and love like I had never experienced before. We would often spend our lunch breaks eating and chatting across the street at a natural grocery store where her husband worked. He was a gentle, calm soul; one who had seen many more lifetimes.   From the moment I met them, I was so intrigued and magnetized as they shared stories of their travels; following musicians, being whitewater rafting guides, and even living out of a van.  Sure I had musical obsessions with Janis and Jimi as a middle schooler but I had never really met people leading such an alternative lifestyle.  It was a breath of fresh air and an immediate connection to my soul.

My new friend was a blossoming student midwife.  She would share stories from class, births and would use me as her study partner for anatomy exams and such while on lunch breaks.  During one of our lunch breaks she told me all about this place called The Farm in Tennessee.  It seemed like the real mecca for everything "hippie".  Intentional communities, self sustaining village, organic farming...my mind was blown and little did I know what this would come to mean for me years down the road in becoming a doula.  I went out and purchased a book about the history of The Farm that to this day I have displayed on my alter.  It was all so fascinating to me and I immediately felt a connection to this way of life.  I wanted to live on The Farm!  I wanted to live in community.  I wanted to build a community.

As our friendship grew so did my heart and mind.  I was introduced to a whole new groups of friends, and activities.  I found myself at drum circles, open mics, organic gardening clubs, vegetarian potlucks and simple living meet ups rather than the local college pubs with people my age.  Along this journey I also made a vow to not work for "The Man".  I wanted to work grassroots style, or for small business owners.  I felt like I was getting to know myself truly for the very first time.  I began to research farming stewardships across the globe and visited local organic farms.  I dove in head first yet my relationship at the time wasn't swimming along, rather drying up.

Needless to say, I never fulfilled that dream of working on an organic farm.  I was able to survive until I was about 26 years old of not working for "The Man".  I caved and began working for Corporate America for a brief stint until just recently.  But what I did gain was a whole new ideology, one that wasn't so stale, conforming and self centered.  I had found me, my mantra, a purpose and dreams.

Although I had tucked away that burning desire of living on a farm for sometime.  It sure didn't mean it had disappeared.  And it definitely did not mean I had given up.  That's not the kind of person I am. And that's not how the Universe works and provides.  Life had moved on for the time being but little did I know that the progression of my life path would lead me into communal living offerings.  Ones that I completely obliged.  

Some of the great people and places that paved my road...
The Farm
http://www.thefarm.org/

Simple Living Institute
http://www.simplelivinginstitute.org/

Sweetwater Organic Community Farm
http://sweetwater-organic.org/

The Art of Living in Community, The Brown Compound- Part II coming soon.....

Dear Soleil, I cannot wait to share this with you! My journey in trying to remember...all of this!

The first gift I received from Alex when we found out we were expecting was The Belly Book. Certainly, I would start here, document my entire pregnancy then move on to the baby book.  It's just expected that most women would want to keep track of all these precious moments especially during a time when thoughts seem to get lost in a restless mind and memories fade.  I know I was excited about the gift and the thought of tracking my pregnancy over the next nine months sounded cool.  And would you believe it, I SUCCEEDED!  I actually completed my entire pregnancy book, printed pictures and all! Now, here I am as a new, first time mama trying my hardest to document all these sweet moments of my baby girl.  Forget remembering all this; the memories of my birth are already quickly fading and I cannot even remember what I did yesterday!  For me this is important, not only would I like to look back on major milestones, but to also relive our first bonding moments. What a joy it will be to share with her when she is older!  I loved seeing my silly little baby pictures throughout the years as the time arose to fumble through old picture books with family.  So many ideas came to mind; journaling, traditional baby books, apps, keeping a tight organization of my photos by month (you laughed at that one didn't you?!?!?!)....it was overwhelming and exhausting just thinking about it all.  Someone even gifted me those monthly sticker props to take cute photos each birth day for the first 12 months....this is as far as I got before I spaced it!  Just like Sunny here, I was excited about it for a second then the thought just faded off into the baby brain abyss.

Documenting Sunny's adventures became most apparent to me one particular day I spent with my own mother during my pregnancy.  My parents divorced when I was very young, around the age of 4.  I always lived with my dad growing up and spent time visiting my mother at specified times.  My mother moved around a lot, traveled and changed jobs often I can remember.  I knew she was a sentimental person, so creative, artistic and loved her keepsakes. But she blew me away one day when she told me she had some things of mine to share with me from my childhood.  Next thing I knew she had pulled down two Tupperware bins full of my baby clothing, items from my first nursery and small keepsakes.  I even recognized some pieces from old photos! How in the world did she move all this from place to place for over 30 years!  We laughed and cried together going through everything piece by piece.  I will always remember and cherish that day with my sweet mama!  From this moment on I knew I wanted to do this with my daughter someday whether I save some baby items, artwork, photos, etc.  I just knew I wanted to share all of this with her one day.  So how was I to preserve all this?!?!

My sweet mama with my now incredible vintage baby clothes....best of all they are my vintage pieces! 

How cute is this little Hawaiian shirt...Sunny will totally sport this soon!

A girlfriend of mine just had a baby girl as well.  We were only a month apart and she was feeling the same way, until a friend shared this video with her.  She encouraged me to do the same.  It would be by far the easiest, quickest, and most savvy way to surely capture all of the fun.  Take a look and if you are anything like me have a tissue handy!




It definitely is a kick ass video for Google Chrome that's for sure!  For us, this was genius.  Most of the photos we take are from our phones; we can quickly capture moments and send an email right away. So after seeing this video I started a Gmail account for my daughter (make sure to use all your information as the email address cannot technically belong to a child under 12, I believe). I took it a step further and shared the email with all our close friends and family so they can share their special moments together.  Alex and I do not check the email either, so it will be a sweet time for us when we decide to read years down the road.  Now instead of stressing, I look forward to each and every email I write to her.

I'm pregnant - Happy April Fool's Day!!!

It has just hit around a year since our daughter Sunny was conceived- a good ol' St. Patty's Day party babe! Actually, she is Irish, Chinese, and Jamaican- I am from the Sunshine State, Florida and my partner is from Mississauga, Canada.  This makes for quite the mix and a lot of fun and family all over the place.  We started out as a long distance dating relationship.  I absolutely loved my nice long weekends away to Jamaica; every trip was an adventure as Alex showed me a different side of beauty each visit.  I loved when he came to visit me in Orlando.  It was fun to explore, eat and enjoy all those luxuries not offered Jamaica.  In the between time we spent lots of time texting, emailing and FaceTiming....technology is amazing! We always desired to live together and had different ideas and plans along the way.  We were mostly planning on him moving stateside to join me in Orlando, however, nothing was really yet set in stone. As of yet.......

As I was plagued with nervousness of missing a period I toyed with the idea of stopping for a pregnancy test for a few days.  I finally decided to stop of all days...April 1st, otherwise known as April Fools Day, the day of practical jokes.  I thought, perfect, when the test comes out negative it will be a funny joke to play and rather cliche, I know!  As I rushed home to anxiously await the negative result I was of course smacked in the face with those notorious two pink lines.  So I did what any woman would do in this situation is I rushed back to the store for another test after cussing myself for not purchasing the pack of 3 to start.  As you've guessed it, all other tests came out positive as well....we were going to have a baby.  And now to share this news....over FaceTime.  My funny little joke has turned into a major life changing event.  Thoughts started swirling through my head; my job, family, life, money, house and most of all we live in different COUNTRIES!!

As soon as FaceTime connected, the picture was clear, and eye contact was made, he knew!  I just stared at him with no words...after all we were just dating, abroad, both of us just ended long relationships, and no plans on moving together....how was he going to react?!?! I saw that sweet smile in his eyes that he always has for me when he looks at me.  His lips formed into that huge, contagious smile I fall for every time and I just cried.  I cried for happiness and of pure joy.  Knowing from just our simple eye contact we were going to of course make this work.  And we were not only going to just make this work, we were embarking upon this crazy, fun filled, mad, unplanned and unpredictable exploration and we were going to do it 100% TOGETHER.  This very day set my life into a whirlwind of travel itineraries, suitcases, lots of love and a growing belly!

This is our first family photo of 3!  Alex was able to fly in 10 days after the big news to spend the weekend.  And from here the tribe grew......
P.S. I've got to come up with a more original April Fool's joke this year! 

A doula's first pregnancy

Being a doula I can certainly attest for all the different birth plans and pregnancy journeys out there. There are always the "plans" and then what really happens.  Some tend to stay close to the design of the plan while others wildly turn out with different outcomes.  Either way- it becomes your birth story.   My job as a doula is to educate, support, and advocate; to assist in the creation of your birth plan and keep you in line to your desires.  I will support all women and families; those looking to birth in hospital, at home, birth center, outdoors, unassisted...you know name it.   It is really more about finding that personal connection and comfort with the family that matters most.

I am 29 weeks now with my first child and I have absolutely loved being pregnant, planning my birth, and taking great care of my growing body and baby on this journey.  My trainings as a doula, my clients, birth experiences, books, articles, workshops, etc.,  have taught me so much that certainly I was fully prepared for childbirth....not so much the case!  Just like everyone else, I have had times of feeling overwhelmed, stressed and fearful.  It's natural.  I just have a bit of a head start maybe compared to other first time moms.  I have read a lot of books, birth research, statistics and assisted women in all different kinds of birth scenarios.

Being pregnant and a doula for families has been a lot more difficult than I imagined.  We are really in the same position, making the same types of decisions, and in the end wanting the same outcome- a healthy, happy baby.  But as I am learning quickly, there is always that feeling of comparison and judgement when it comes to parenting and children.  I have had a lot of my girlfriends with kids explain this to me before.  It's like the "my kid is better than yours"  stories.  And it certainly begins in pregnancy.  Many clients or those who know my profession are always curious in my decisions on childbirth.  The most common reaction I get is "I figured you would do it that way".  It makes me laugh and I am so ok with that response.  But what I don't want for people to feel is a sense that my way is the only way I support.  I most certainly have my own opinions and choices for my baby and body but I would never judge or pressure mothers into making the same decision as me.  We are all just too different and there are so many ways to make your birth perfect, and absolutely beautiful for your situation and family.

If I had children years ago when most of my friends starting having babies my choices may have been quite different.  What has changed for me outside of personal growth with just getting older, is my knowledge about the subject, access to information and I have seen a lot of births.  The more you know the more comfortable you feel with making decisions and with no regret might I add.  It has become easier to make choices with and for my family and then sit with those feelings of doing the right thing for me!  

This is me and this is the me I like to share with others.  Knowledge is certainly powerful.  Becoming pregnant and making decisions for the life another is no easy task.  There are lots of options out there; none of which I will say are right or wrong or judge.  But what I will do is help you explore all the options.  It is empowering to choose, to plan, to practice for your birth.  It should be one of the most exciting times of your life.  Isn't that why people do it again and again?!?!?

What I am envisioning for my own birth story is what I envision for all lovely pregos out there....a beautiful birth story, a calm, peaceful, easy birth.  A healthy body and baby, minimal interventions, a supportive birth team, no complications,  after birth bonding time, ease of breastfeeding, and absolute pure bliss and joy!  And what I want you to know and feel is that this is not asking for much.  Live. Create. Imagine. Birth. YOUR STORY!

Just let go, breathe

I just realized that I haven't been breathing for about 2 weeks now. I haven't found time to check in with my body, truly connect and breathe. I have been running circles with moving from my home, moving to a new country, finding out we are expecting and transitioning career paths. It's just about every life change all wrapped in one period of time for me.  But you know what- I chose it all! I manifested a lot of these changes to take place over a time period of probably what's longer than what I really even can imagine. I'm here now, my feet are firmly planted on the soil of the new country of where I now call home. I have a beautiful being growing inside of my belly in a loving, supportive home. I've started training for a new career path today. And I still wasn't breathing.  

I wasn't able to breathe until someone told me to let go. This came to me in the form of a yoga class. I am incredibly supportive of practicing and truly believe it is a gift that should be shared. However, it's not really about the class. It's what works for you. What makes you listen, hear, and become aware? What makes your mind silent? What makes you conscious of your breath and where you hold on to stress? If you have discovered this connection to your body when is the last time you were there? I know 2 weeks for me was way too long. But it's amazing how quickly you can get lost. Lost in days, weeks and months. Lost in emails, work obligations, family priorities and the every days of life. Leading you further away from your passions, your smile, your happiness, community and love. 

Where are you? Are you there? Can you let go?

One of the foundational ways to connect to the spirit is first through the physical body. There are so many ways to get there and be creative in your actions.  To start, not much time is needed it's more about frequency of checking in and committing to a practice. 

Just a couple ideas to get you started:

- find a peaceful place outside to sit in quiet, calm your mind, and focus on your breath. Breathe. No thinking allowed. Do not allow your mind to wander. Keep reeling it back in. Repeat a mantra to send your focus.

- try a yoga class

- take a relaxing bath and release your muscles

- lie on your back (not in your bed) and place your hands onto your body. Start at your chest just at your breastbone, move to your upper rib cage area and finally your naval. Focus your breath and touch into tense areas. Allow 5 breaths to each area and repeat as much as necessary to feel your tension dissipate. Deepen your breath and touch through each series. 

I told myself I wouldn't let it get this far again. Everything is just the way it should be. I am exactly where I should be. Life is so so good. I am happy. And best of all I'm breathing again. 

Speak Kindness!

It always feels so natural around the start of the year to clean house, make resolutions, start new habits and kick out the old!  So for my new beginning, this year I really started thinking about the way I speak and communicate with others and myself.  We have so many interactions throughout the day and if you are like me, then you have several different types of conversations depending upon the context, company and environment .  For me, I go from "Sales Manager Steph" to "Doula Steph" to "Casual Friend Steph"- not to mention the continuous inner dialogue.  I found that for me there is growth to be had in ALL areas.  

As I was researching my 2014 Action Plan to turn this vision into a reality, I ran across a great book I read a while back so I decided to bring it out for a re-read. 

Words Can Change Your Brain

The Neuroscience of Communication

by Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman

 

As I started breezing through the book again all I could think about was my doula work and how this information could be so impactful for expecting families, especially my mommas out there.  The underlying theme of the book is the connection that our words we attach with an experience, ultimately becomes the experience.  It provides steps in how to recognize the associations and create what they call Compassionate Communication.  It is a fantastic and insightful "ah-ha" read!

 

I believe deep down that a healthy pregnancy and positive birth experience is connected to your mentality- I FIRMLY believe in this.  Our thoughts and words have the ability to shape our experiences, outcomes, emotions and ultimately our world.  It is the reason why I have adopted the Hyponobirthing vocabulary in my doula practice.  The Hyponobirthing technique uses mind over matter to take you to a peaceful place. 

Allow me to give you a few examples......

 

"Ok, let's get ready here comes another contraction....breathe, breathe, puuushhh......"

 

What type of feeling does this spark inside of you?  Does it make you anxious?  Does it give you a mental picture of a woman in an intense position, blood red in the face and breathing excitedly and out of control? 

 

Using the Hypnobirthing technique you would maybe hear these words.

 

"Ok, let's get ready for the next surge, keep your breath calm and even, use the strength of your breath to breathe the baby down.....

 

It may feel and sound silly at first but none the less it could break the association with fear, anxiety and pain that most women report while thinking about the birth process during pregnancy or during the experience itself.  Change your words, change your experience!

 

All in all, I encourage and support a more mindful and positive dialogue within yourself, with your baby and throughout the birthing experience.  To me, it is absolutely magical that your are able to create your own peaceful, healthy, empowering, beautiful birth experience.   Make it just what YOU imagine it to be- not what you heard, not what they told you....this is YOUR birth.  Just like any habit it takes practice.  I challenge you, and I challenge your spouse to create your own peaceful dialogue and practice.

 

A couple quick steps to get you started:

1.  Make a reminder board of your personal and/or birth associated words you would like to transition to more positive ones.  Place it on the fridge or bathroom mirror where you both can see daily.

2.  Take time each day to meditate, start taking yourself to a peaceful, quiet place.  The more you practice the quicker and easier it will be able to get there.

3.  Visualize your birth experience.  Whether you like to write it down, discuss with your spouse, a girlfriend, your doula, or keep within yourself....start visualizing yourself birthing your baby and incorporate your positive words and relaxation techniques.

 

I'd love to hear where it takes you!  Keep it real, keep it simple!

 

For more about Hypnobirthing check out:

http://hypnobirthing.com/childbirth_classes.htm